Chapter 2: Condoms

"I know how this looks but I would never do that to you." the wife said.

I was curious about what I had found. Having had a vasectomy three years earlier I knew they weren't for my benefit.

Still, I wasn't terribly upset about it. I assumed there was a funny story behind them. "I got them from my doctor." she said.

"OK, whatever." I replied.

We had never used condoms even before the big V. I thought back on the day I had that done. I remember laying on the couch for two days watching Sopranos DVDs. Season 4 had just started and I was like the only person in the office who wasn't a fan. I decided to use the post V recovery period to catch up. Being immobilized allowed me to bang out 3 seasons in just 48 hours. I could now Soprano-talk with the best of them.

"From her doctor? What kind of doctor hands out condoms?" Obviously my sister, having heard the 'funny story about condoms in the family minivan' needed further clarification.

"Doctors don't give you guys condoms?" I asked. Two Masters degrees and other miscellaneous post graduate work hadn't educated me on this topic.

"Uhhh....Nooo they don't. Why would they?" she returned.

A couple other female friends shook their heads at this same inquiry.

"Maybe you need to call her doctor and ask just to be sure." said sis.

Maybe I do.