Chapter 4: Obviously you can't move on

As a married person you have certain rights. You have the right to know if your spouse is cheating on you for example.

As a human being you have certain rights too. You have the right to know if you are being lied to and you have the right to pursue the truth. You don't necessarily have a right to receive that truth because you may never get it but you have the right to pursue it.

If I've lost you then you're probably not going to want to read much more of this blog. This blog is about the truth and about my (or anyone's) rights as a human being to pursue it.

Different people can differ on this question and that is perhaps the pivotal point for discussion about this blog and this story. Do you have the right to pursue the truth about your spouse after you've been lied to?

In January of 2006 I began a relentless campaign to uncover the truth. I knew nothing about my life that I thought I knew. In the coming weeks I would peel the onion.

Was my spouse cheating on the marriage? There's little question of that but I learned much more and I did so by leaving no stone unturned. I ran credit checks. I examined bank histories. I sorted through mail. I sifted through drawers. I copied computer logs. If all of this would be "marital property" in the eyes of a divorce court then certainly it was mine to examine while still married.

I also talked to her friends and coworkers. Some didn't want to talk. Some did. Others gave hints right out of All the President's Men. It wasn't necessarily "Follow the Money" that I was told but it certainly reminded me of those scenes in a dimly lit parking garage.

I was relentless and this passion for the truth destroyed any hope of reconciliation though that body was probably already dead and decomposing. I uncovered a mountain of lies and earned years of scorn, derision and hatred for years to come not only from the soon-to-be-ex (stbx) but from soon-to-be-ex-in-laws because no one wanted the truth.

"Obviously you can't move on," I was told.